On July 2, it will be five and a half years since Dan has been gone. Someone who hasn’t walked in the same shoes as me may think, “Wow, she still talks about Dan being gone.” Yeah, I do. And I don’t feel the need to explain myself anymore or make excuses for why I do. We were just kids in high school when we started dating. I believe I was always that same kid inside, even as Dan and I grew older together. After he died, someone once said to me, “You probably can’t remember a time when he wasn’t in your life.” Yes, that is true. He was always in my life until he wasn’t. That’s when I lost everything, including the confidence in who I was.

So, yes, it has taken me about five and a half years to, finally, once again get comfortable in my own skin and know who I am.

I have been subbing in grades 6 through 12 for additional income and working on rebranding and building my business. I have finally developed a routine that includes walking three days a week, working on my podcast, writing, and researching when I’m not subbing. I’ve learned to enjoy life and not live in grief. I still miss Dan very much, and not a day goes by that I don’t wish he were here with me. I will always feel his absence.

Soon after Dan died, a friend of mine gave me the book A Widow’s Journey: Reflections of Walking Alone, written by Gayle Roper. I’m going to leave you with two pages, one at the beginning and the second at the end of the book. If you are married, remember to always cherish those moments you’re together, because once that other half of you is gone, life will never be the same.

Gayle lost her husband, Chuck, to a rare form of cancer. She wrote this book as part of her grieving process. I’ve also added a short video dedicated to Dan. The link is Memories from Happenings in Christine’s World.

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The Wandering Pen Podcast is an eclectic conversation series with writers, historians, preservationists, and everyday people. We talk about how books are made, how stories are remembered, and how places—towns, homes, landscapes—shape who we are. You’ll hear candid stories of struggle and perseverance, practical insights into the writing process, and timely conversations about the environment and saving places that matter. If you care about craft, memory, and the ties between people and place, you’re in the right spot.